Understanding the paradox of ones gracious inclusion within the family of God juxtaposed with ones utter unworthiness to be in the presence of our Lord is unfathomable to say the least. The thought that we, an absolutely depraved, unjust, unsanctified and avoidably unrighteous, not to mention unholy creature, could be loved, counted as just and placed within the realms of sainthood should baffle even the most learned, nay especially the most learned. Such an unfathomable juxtaposition is beyond the capacity of man to comprehend. It is with this in mind that we should humbly submit to the paradoxical pursuit of continual sanctification that Moses and Paul so profoundly articulated. For they themselves said without hesitation that they were the worst of sinners, the most unworthy. If they could in perfect sincerity utter such words, how then are we to see ourselves? How can we honestly perceive our own condition in light of these righteous men's humble claims?
Authentic Humility
It is tempting to attribute these claims to hyperbole, suggesting that such statements were made in an effort to highlight the extreme level of humility they felt, attempting to underscore their compassionate understanding of unworthiness that could be shared by you or I. However, I would posit that these were not mere gestures of grandeur, rather they were veracious and articulate iterations of an honest realization on the part of both men. They truly and unmistakably believed themselves to be the greatest of sinners and in such state the least worthy of God's merciful forgiveness.
At first blush this may appear as a simple contradiction of terms, for if one views themselves as the most unworthy, the most humble or more precisely "humbled" how than can the same person not realize the virtuous nature of such self-perceptions and in turn be contaminated by the pride derived from such a realization. It seems inescapable that with greater realization of ones humility in relation to God, comes an increased perception of ones status among men. Accordingly, the human assumption is that the more greatly humbled one is by God, the great he is among men.
Freedom from Contradiction
I would suggest that such an "inescapable" causation is empathically unreasonable. Admittedly, such a debilitating cycle does exist, that is increased humility leading to increased virtue and in turn pride, thus returning you to your original state only to repeat your previous attempts at achieving humility. However, upon further understanding of the varied motivations behind pursuits of humility comes the revelation of how truly contrite and sincere perceptions of ones own unworthiness and humility can be attained.
Spiral of Hope
While those who get caught in the cycle of humility and pride, are forever doomed to repeat their efforts the reason for this is innate to their underlying motivation, i.e. the sincerest condition of the heart. When one attempts to achieve outward and even marginally inward gestures of contrition and humility only shadows of genuine unworthiness can be attained. Thus, it is not a cycle of effectual humility and pride that ensues, but rather an oscillating perception of the self be it external or internal. Thus, while their perceptions do indeed fluctuate the persons true nature remains static.
Extreme Men
It is with this in mind that one can begin to understand why men such as Moses and Paul are to be handled with careful attention when they speak of regarding themselves in the manner that they do. For their writings are not the journal scribbling of an emotionally turbid individual, but the very express will of God captured in word for us to consider more than a millennia later. Thus, me must regard their claims as shockingly contrary to what is normative among men today. For if these men honestly achieved such sincere levels of humility, it demands our attention. Forcing us to consider how we too can enter into such an affair.
Power of the Spirit
So how did they achieve such irreconcilable humility and righteousness? I believe that through the power of the Holy Spirit two distinct changes were effected within their heart, soul and mind. They achieved what few have genuinely attained. First, a proper and honest understanding of their depravity and the inescapable ramifications of their unworthiness as such. Another words, the Holy Spirit revealed to them in ever increasing and brutal detail their unending levels of depravity. This is mirrored throughout scripture and can be seen in Paul’s writings specifically. The more of God’s unearned love that we experience, the more humbled we are by this love and in turn the more greatly we appreciate the extent to which we are undeserving, thus the depths of our depravity are unearthed in direct correlation with our level of sanctification. Secondly, through the power of this revelation and the work of the spirit, God truly revealed to them in a manner that they could not deny, that their unique depravity can not be shared by any man. Thus, they alone are accountable for the sins that they have committed. In accord removing any vestige of hierarchy or superiority that plagues systems of morality, they realized and truly internalized the truth that their affront to God is uniquely abominable and they alone would be held accountable for such infractions were it not for the grace of God. Thus, their unique understanding of their own depravity is simply the effectual conclusion that God seeks to extend to all men who embrace His forgiveness. Certainly they brought it to its fullest fruition or rather to the final stage of what is a continuum of further contrition and realization of ones own unworthiness. However, this same declination is accessible to us all and through the power of the spirit can be achieved by you and I.
Realigning your Perceptions
Though we have proof from scripture that these incredibly righteous men achieved levels of duality that are so extremely dichotomous they would seem unattainable to anyone not living in the paradigm of scripture, I think we still must ask our self how we can attain this. I would surmise that the answer to this question, lies in a broadening of our perceptions of sanctification, returning our attention to the immense power of the Holy Spirit to alter the very nature of man and equip him with potential beyond that of the man on a declination further into the bowls of depravity. For men who are truly on the path of sanctification have not arrived their by human means, but through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, motivated by transcendent aspirations. When a mans propriate functions are replaced by those of our Lord, the capacity of such a man reaches beyond the constraints of reasoning that dictate the depraved persons mind. Accordingly, I would suggest that the paradox of mans humility and continued pursuit of sanctification can be reconciled in this manner alone. That is to say the more sincerely you approach the throne of our Lord in contrition and request the spirits strength to pursue righteous, the more greatly you are endowed with humility. Thus, the typical cycle is broken and replaced instead by an ever increasing spiral of both sanctity and humility. Admittedly this is not a satisfying answer as to "how" such a paradox works, for if I were to reveal such a revelation it could no longer be titled a paradox. It is the very mysterious nature of paradoxical truths that give them their name.
Resolution in Paradox
However, it is not hard to imagine this paradox in effect, no matter how unimaginable it's origin. Thus, I would plea that you break with deeply philosophical thinking on this issue and regard it with a certain simplicity and experiential common sense. Allowing a more presuppositional trust to control your thoughts and consider this from a practical perspective. Because quietly simply, it makes sense. The more God empowers you to live a life of righteousness, while having your utter unworthiness and inability revealed, the more you are led to humble yourself. Accordingly, what is truly difficult to fathom is that God endows us with the power to achieve such things in light of our condition. Thus, I would encourage you to not simply marvel at the capacity of God to reconcile this paradox of pride and humility, but of the truly remarkable statement of God's sacrificial love that serves to produce within us works that should logically never proceed from such unworthy vessels.
Honest Reflection
Take time to free yourself from the constraints of logic that tell you humility achieved through righteousness is an irreconcilable paradox and embrace the reality that it is nonetheless promised within scripture. Allow yourself to enter into the mind bending paradox that Christ died for such an unworthy person as yourself and leave the possible pride that might ensue for thinking so honestly about yourself to God. Perhaps you have not achieved the level of honest self assessment that Moses and Paul attained, but don't allow yourself to become disheartened, God desires for your to achieve this honesty with Him and He will empower you to grow in this regard.
Pharisee vs. Tax Collector
A final thought of reflection on this point, consider the words of Jesus and the events that elicited Him to convey the Lords prayer. Reflect on these two passages and consider yourself as did the tax collector. If you have grown up in the church as I, it is without saying that this can be a difficult task indeed. However, given the immense portion of scripture that is dedicated to the pursuit of genuine contrition before our Lord, it is one me must consider with the utmost regard.
Luke 18:9-14
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Matthew 6:5-15
“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come,
your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.