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What have you done?

Thirty thousand chariots
Six thousand horseman
Troops like the sand on the seashore in multitude
---
Five thousand farmers and shepards
Two swords
Two Spears
Axes, Sickles, Plowshares, Mattocks 

In my life I often feel as Saul did standing at Michmash, out maned, out gunned and waiting for the inevitable. I rise in the morning, tired and exhausted to face a day of frustrations, struggles and challenges. All of which I have elected to pursue on the notion it will further the kingdom. I read the scriptures, pray and reflect on the plans God has revealed from my life and my day. Joy in my heart and passion my strength I begin, tackling the tasks at hand. Papers, class, chapel, PCM, small group and the week wears on, I grow weary, anxious and tired. I begin to question God's purpose here, it seems so futile so insignificant. What assets have I really fostered for entering the realm of 'ministry'? What experience do I have with which to bolster my resume? I have plans, hopes and dreams none of which are coming to fruition, my present position is holding me back, inhibiting me from 'victory'! Lord, don't you want me to charge forward for your gospel?

Then in the back of my mind I reflect upon Saul standing their, certain of defeat, afraid and alone. He has done nothing to assure his victory, trembling with fear and asking again and again. "Where is Samuel, he said he would be here, he's late, maybe he'll never come, if he doesn't come, we are finished! I must do something, I must prepare, I must finish this task even if it is without him. I must!"

This is the attitude of my heart, I'm afraid, I do not see God's provision, just around the corner, his marvelous plan, his unending assets, which he is just waiting to provision. But I do not see, I do not take hope. No!, I plan I take it into my hands, I reflect and discourse, evaluate and execute. I worry and so I do, yet all that God asks of me is simple: WAIT.

One of the remarkable things about walking with the Lord is that no matter how awe inspiring his revelation to me has been, no matter how substantial his provision, I still perceive my situation as insurmountable, I question wether God really has me covered. The greatest challenge I find is to trust my pitiable axe and fellow untrained comrades.

I sacrifice my plans
offer to you my worries
lift up my fears
declare my desires
and pray for provision

Now I wait
hoping, longing, yearning

The worlds challenges engulf me
I stand strong 

My fears taunt me
I take hope

My desires tempt me
I stand-fast

The battle lines are drawn
The orders have been given
Every soldier must do his task

The great commander leads our army
Grab your axe
Sharpen you sickle
The battle is upon us

The army charges
Fear grips my heart
Sweat pours down my face
With the enemies battle cry
My hands spring into convulsions
I tremble, but do not falter
I grip my axe with fierce conviction

A tower of dust rises from behind the knoll
The weaker of us run from the front
Murmurs of defeat fill the air

Cresting the hill now
Just within range
Seemingly surrounded 
Consumed by the enemy
Even the prudent waiver

But then piercing the commotion
Arresting our attention
Our commander proclaims
Just three words

Hold your lines!

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